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True Black-Ass Stories About Mike's Dad
The Tale of "HIGH"
My dad is the oldest of 16 kids. Wow... 16. That's not really an easy number
to swallow in terms of siblings. But it's true. My dad is in his early 60's, and
my dad's youngest sister is in her 30's. Just a few years older than my own
sister. As I'm sure most of you can imagine, growing up with a bunch of
ghetto nappy haired black kids couldn't be easy, especially if you're the oldest
brother. Several responsibilities would follow. Baby sitting, looking after them, making sure everyone's got something to eat, helping to
break up sibling fights. Its almost as if my dad was a secondary mom as well as an older brother. He helped out his mom a lot and was
often in charge of everybody. This includes punishment.
Now I would like you all to remember that my dad can be a very strange guy sometimes. But in an unusually good way. Almost everything
is created from his unusual sense of humor. What I mean is, my dad is great with making up weird names, stories and fables on the spot and
is fully capable of remembering them for years to come. Names like "Snigglefratz", "Bumbaster", and "Grich" just to name a few. So
keeping this in mind, you could imagine what a punishment from my dad would be, simply designed to torture his brothers and sisters.
When my dad was about twelve years old, he developed a punishment system to torture, and humiliate his siblings. He called them "Boys
Punishment" and "Girls Punishment". Sounds simple enough.
Boys Punishment was when the boys had to lay on the ground, one leg down and one leg up in the air. Each arm had to be extended along
side of the leg and grabbed at the calf. They had to hold this pose from anywhere between 15 to 30 minutes at a time. Girls Punishment was
when the girls had to place one hand against the wall, and reach down and hold up one of their legs as high as they could behind them. If
anyone failed to hold the pose for the given amount, they were allowed a brief resting period, but they were then told to resume and start
their time over.
One day, my dad recalls his brothers and sisters doing something pretty bad to deserve a new kind of punishment. Sadly, he doesn't
remember what their specific fault was, but it's truly not important.
He lined them up and said "Alright... Your punishments will be a bit different this time. I've thought about it, and I want you all to raise
your arms in the air pointing diagonal to the ceiling. If your arms drop below waist level, I'm going to yell "HIGH" and you're going raise
your arms back up to the starting point.
They all complied. They raised their arms, and tried their best to hold them as high as they could without my dad having to yell "HIGH".
But over time their arms began to get heavy. My dad really didn't tell them how long this punishment would last for. All day the kids would
have their arms raised, they would get tired and heavy, start to drop down, and droop below their waste... "HIGH!". The arms shot back in
the air. Again, and again. Arms fell... "HIGH!" ...Arms went up.
Well eventually my dad came across something else he had to do. He doesn't quite remember what it was, or whether he had to help his
mom or something, but he had to leave the supervision of punishment to do something else. So what does he do? He leaves his sister, my
aunt Martha in charge. He instructs her on what to do. Telling her that if any of their arms drop below waist line to shout "HIGH" and they
knew what to do from there.
Apparently the punishment went in throughout the day, and on into the evening, and then on until bed time. Martha, having shouted
"HIGH" probably more times than anyone could count. Eventually everyone was told to go to bed. Most residing in the house having tired
arms and unfriendly mumbles of a punishment that lasted too long.
As everyone was asleep and the house was quite. Not a noise could be heard throughout the house. Pretty normal night right? Wrong...
Martha who had been left in charge of the punishment, who had shouted "HIGH" so many times throughout the day suddenly JUMPED
up in her sleep and shouted "HIGH" at the top of her lungs. Everyone suddenly woke up startled. Martha was standing on her bed with her
arms in the air. Eyes wide open, but clearly not quite "awake". "HIGH!!!!" she shouted again. My dad describes the look on her face as
eerie and priceless. Kind of a strange stare as if she saw something that scared her. "HIGH!!" she shouted again. My dad's mom came
scrambling into the room, as did a few other kids to find out what the commotion was. Martha shouted "HIGH!". His mother looked at
Martha, grabbed her, lied her down on the bed as she said "HIGH" again. She took one look at the crazy look on her face, then turned to
my dad and said "JIM! THIS LOOKS LIKE SOME OF YO BULLSHIT!". She turned to look at another one of the kids and said
"DON'T THIS LOOK LIKE SOME OF JIM'S SHIT?" My dad didn't know what to do. He just kind of stood there and watched as his
little sister had shouted that familiar phrase in her sleep for only a few minutes more. His mother held Martha and stroked her head until she
calmed down enough to go back to sleep. Everyone was ordered to go back to bed, and the rest of the night was back to normal. Everyone
slept the rest of the night without any incidents or sudden outbursts of a day long repetitive punishment.
My dad was a lot more careful about his punishments from then on. He tried not to make them so crazy and ridiculous, and a little more
easy and practical. Even though he tries to deny it, I'm 100% sure he enjoyed these punishments as it was a stupid way to screw with his
brothers and sisters. I'm sure there were plenty of other goofy punishments, but none as ridiculous as "HIGH"
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